In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
I snuck out of his room and his roommate stopped me to tell me there was a condom stuck to my back
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
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