I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
you called to congratulate me on being the reason you lost never have i ever
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
This inappropriate post strip club text brought to you by Cheetah of Palm Beach and vodka. Blowjob in the champagne room and the clap for the low low price of your paycheck.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
how does that bad decision feel?
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
