I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize