I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
Theres dried jager, barbecue sauce and frie remnants all over my front seat.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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