Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
How did I end up in some random dudes car?
Some guy came up to you and asked if you knew how to drive stick.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
