So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
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