Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
Randomize
