My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
I'm sorry but it's something you and your A cups wouldn't understand.
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
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