i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just used a franzia box to scrape the snow off my car.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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