If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I dealt with the imported moonshine, but when the cocaine came out, I had to get the fuck out of there
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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