Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
I just don't wanna be that girl with no ride and no pants
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
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