ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
