if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
There's a sign at Bashas for 30% off of 6 bottles of wine in Friday. That seems like a personal challenge.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
