the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
Never start off a conversation with "speaking of STD's..."
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
