hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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