five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
your youtube search consisted of "food slideshow" and "the angry beavers"
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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