I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
Randomize
