So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
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