I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize