Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
