if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
