Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I woke up in confetti... confetti and shame
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
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