i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
