They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
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