omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
I just found a voice recording from Tanya's bachelorette party when we found you drunk in downtown being harassed by a crazy dude dressed like a clown and we rescued you. Attached is a voice recording of me interviewing you after we found you. I titled it Carlos Batman.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
Randomize
