mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
