it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
Listen I'm a sentimental character under all this alcohol and ratchetry
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
Went to bed in my room fully clothed, woke up naked in the kitchen with the dog looking unamused.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
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