I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
keep it on the DL tho cause i dont want it getting out and it coming off like i kidnapped her or something
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
I've started recycling nudes. Why should I take new pictures for every single man?
Randomize
