we black-lighted her bedspread and it looked like a jackson pollock painting.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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