I wish I could punch you in the face.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
I ran into him drunk, barefoot, at rite aid and he said I looked "stunning." Yeah, Stunningly shitfaced haha
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
