This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
