I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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