watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
KATE. I JUST NOTICED THAT LOWERCASE D'S LOOK LIKE SLIPPERS.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
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