I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
The drug dealer had chickens in his house so I know it was good stuff.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
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