You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize