Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
what's not responsible about a pool full of beer?
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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