Swine flu. Run for my life!
tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
