this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
What did we do last night that was yellow?
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
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