i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
He literally chugged a bottle of wine in under 2 minutes. Stood up, said "fuck what ya heard" and stabbed the bottle into their drywall.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
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