A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
I think were only still together so we can make each other miserable
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
