Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
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