Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
you ate skittles off the table like a hungry hungry hippo. it was awesome.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
idk if its the weather or the "im still drunk" or the morning sex i just had with my roommates gf but that was def the most enjoyable walk in the rain ever
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
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