I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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