My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
You can't be mad at me for wanting to drink though, it is the reason we're engaged
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Hey, this is a mass text. I have a hospital bill from November, and I don't know from what. Did anyone bring me to the hospital on a drunken night that I don't remember...?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Congratulations! We have a period
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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