spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
I'm being responsible and going as a gay, slutty Mormon missionary. It's responsible because I'll have a bike helmet on for when I fall over because I'm too shitfaced to stand upright. It's safer than Count Fagula. I just need to come up with a line equal or greater than "Blaaaa I want to suck your dick"
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
