My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
No one showed up yet so I smoked 4:20 on chatroulette with a naked chick..
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
"Here let me wipe my uterus off your dick" was probably the most unsexy thing said after period sex. I should get an award
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
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