and when i put it inside her she yelled "welcome aboard!"
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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