I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
Randomize
