the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Her cat was breathing in my ear all night, like that kid from Hey Arnold.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
Randomize
