No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
Randomize
