ya dads aren't the best wingmen
i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
who knew "i drink your milkshake" would work as a pickup line
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
Only I could get hit on by homophobic straight guys in a drag bar.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
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