I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
She offered to make me a fruit roll up salad for breakfast...I'm not sure if that's the coolest or weirdest thing ever...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
Let's get one thing straight; we aren't in a relationship. We fuck and occasionally go to subway.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
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