I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize
