today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
