i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
he asked me to smell his eyeballs.
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
We both fell asleep mid-handjob and he continued to call it "handjob halftime".
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
