So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
i think the beer goggles wore off after hearing the story of her 2nd abortion
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I'm drinking vodka out of a water bottle at work. Am I really the best person to come to for life advice?
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
Randomize
