carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
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