i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
Randomize
