if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
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