i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize