What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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