there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Apparently everytime he put me down to bed I escaped out the window, I faintly recall climbing into the canoe in the back yard, and air paddling.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
