Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
You just get me....like our souls are boning in the spirit world
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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