did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Randomize