I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
I may or may not already be in your hot tub when you get home. I have a key to your house and no shame.
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I'm surronded by jorts. You're probably too drunk to care. I'm gonna cry now. Love you.
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
