If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
Makin mac and cheese without you. Definitely seem to do this better inside you. Splashed boiling water on my cock
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
Randomize
