I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Vodka and tater tots have managed to satisfy me more than most of the guys I've slept with.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
Randomize
